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What goes down must come up

7/28/2011 12:42:00 AM |

I know it's been a while since I posted.  The main reason for that is because, reading back on my posts, they were all angry or sad and that was depressing.  So I've kinda held out until I had some better news to post.

Things are finally looking up!  Other than the home situation, everything else seems to be resolving itself.  I've FINALLY gotten the full-time position I was offered 3 months ago.  This next Saturday is my last scheduled Saturday!  *happy dance*

So....I can finally start having a social life!  That being said...I have somehow managed to snag the most amazing man that I've ever met in my 28 years of living.  (Besides my son, of course.) How, I have no clue, but I did and I couldn't be happier! I'm not going to go into too much detail here, because things are still getting "started" so to speak, but I've been so happy and smiling all week...and it doesn't look like it's ending any time soon!  (Please don't mention anything on Facebook...I don't want my parents and in-laws to know yet.)

My son's sperm donor is finally home from wherever the hell he was.  I know this because his mother felt the need to text me the minute he touched down in Fayetteville.  Yay.  Of course, this means that I can get started on the divorce proceedings now.  Now that I finally have a full-time position, I can get medical benefits, which is one thing I was holding out for.  I'm in the process of getting everything taken care of before I end things and fully stand on my own.  Thankfully, my man knows and understands everything and is being extremely patient while it happens.

I really have been blessed. Thank you God!

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Posted by Desiree
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The weight of the world...is just too much.

7/07/2011 03:20:00 PM |

I'm not Atlas. I'm not a Titan equipped to hold up the world. I'm just a simple girl from all over that's just trying to survive in this screwed up world we live in.  But it sure feels like I'm training to be his replacement.

I mean, everywhere I turn, it's SOMETHING.  The main issue is this house. I desperately need to get out of here before I lose what little sanity I have left. I can't continue to live in this house of madness, contradictions, and lunacy.

It seems like everything I bring into this house gets destroyed.  My couch, two strollers, my vacuum, my dog, myself. And I've had to give up everything...working on the dog now and being harassed mercilessly about it as well.  I'm tired of constantly giving!

I'm tired of having to put on a front because I'm tired of being ignored. I'm standing in the middle of a giant battlefield and everywhere I turn, bullets are whizzing by my head, threatening to find a permanent home in my body. School, romance, work, home, life....it's all in turmoil and at war with me. 

And what makes it the absolute worst is that I'm completely isolated.
I seriously have no friends. I take that back. I have one friend that actually cares enough to check in on me and see how I'm doing. My family is so self-absorbed that they could care less. I know I'm not THAT good of an actress to hide it...I'm not even trying to. And still, no one cares.

I just want to be free...I don't care how.  Yes, I'm completely broken and not even interested in picking up the pieces. No one wants them, so why bother?

My son is all I have left...and the ONLY thing worth living for. But if I don't get him out of here soon, I may lose him to the madness as well....

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Posted by Desiree
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