So, it hit me today that while I know I'm depressed, I may just be even more depressed than I thought. To the point that I should probably see a counselor.
Why do you ask? Well, in a conversation with my best friend, it came out that I can completely understand why some people feel driven to commit suicide. That's a scary thought.
My stance on suicide is well known. It's a permanent solution to a temporary problem. And while I would never do it, I can completely understand how some people are so bogged down that they feel there is no way out.
I understand this because I'm there. I look around at everything and realize that nothing, except my son, gives me joy anymore. My life is a constant struggle to find that glimmer of happiness amidst this storm of oppression and despair I find myself caught up in.
And I know half of you that read this won't care. That's ok too. I'm used to being alone and dealing with things myself. I've found that my best and greatest ally is myself. After all, if I don't care about myself, how can I expect anyone else to?
Like I've said in the past, this is my outlet to get it all out so it doesn't eat me alive. Take from it what you will and I can only hope that my words can help someone in some way.
For those that do genuinely care, don't worry about me. I'm not going anywhere. I have too many people to prove wrong and too many obstacles to overcome. I'm a fighter and I don't give up easily. This too shall pass.
Why do you ask? Well, in a conversation with my best friend, it came out that I can completely understand why some people feel driven to commit suicide. That's a scary thought.
My stance on suicide is well known. It's a permanent solution to a temporary problem. And while I would never do it, I can completely understand how some people are so bogged down that they feel there is no way out.
I understand this because I'm there. I look around at everything and realize that nothing, except my son, gives me joy anymore. My life is a constant struggle to find that glimmer of happiness amidst this storm of oppression and despair I find myself caught up in.
And I know half of you that read this won't care. That's ok too. I'm used to being alone and dealing with things myself. I've found that my best and greatest ally is myself. After all, if I don't care about myself, how can I expect anyone else to?
Like I've said in the past, this is my outlet to get it all out so it doesn't eat me alive. Take from it what you will and I can only hope that my words can help someone in some way.
For those that do genuinely care, don't worry about me. I'm not going anywhere. I have too many people to prove wrong and too many obstacles to overcome. I'm a fighter and I don't give up easily. This too shall pass.
2 comments:
I love you. I know how you feel and know where you are coming from with feeling depressed. I haven't been completely in your situation, but I have been close and I have had some (that you have been more than here for me for) that have made me feel so depressed. You will get through this and I will be there for you every step of the way. I'm always here to listen and be there for you. I LOVE YOU!
I believe you when you say you're not going anywhere,you would never to that to K and I know this, still,i'm worried about you. Everyone needs an outlet,something that makes them happy. I understand being a mother is your greatest joy in life,it's mine too but you need to take some time for your self once in awhile.
Depression is a horrible funk to be in,it feels like your drowning,desperate for air. Just know Desi that you're not alone and you CAN come to me if you need to. You can over come this! I love you
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