Well, it was very quickly brought to my attention that my opinion/presence does not bear much weight in this household at all. It just seems that the past three years of my life have been nothing but a beat down. I just feel stuck, like I'm wading in quicksand with no relief in sight.
Seriously, basically thrown away by my "husband" and forced to give birth alone, then treated like the red-headed stepchild in my family just put the icing onto the cake. (Ironically, I am kind of a red-headed stepchild...) The only bright spot in my life is my son. Knowing that he loves me is really the only thing that keeps me going anymore. While I love my job, what it's become is just depressing and sad.
Let's not even get into the home life. That in itself, is just non-existent. I seriously feel like Cinderella waiting for her prince to show up...except I can't help but wonder if I won't push him away. After all, I am still tied down to the moron I was dumb enough to marry and I'm just STUCK. I can only hope that I can be freed from the binds of matrimony sometime soon. (I have a feeling, deep down, that it won't end the way I think it will...)
School.....yeah. I want to apply to a nursing program, but that requires me to get my CNA first. There's a program here that allows you to get your CNA-I in three weeks, but you either have to do Monday-Friday class/clinicals, or online classes and clinicals all day Saturday and Sunday. Problem is, I've been stuck on this redonkulous Thursday-Saturday night shift for 4 months and I don't seem to be able to get off of it...unless I quit my job. So again...I'm stuck.
Got my tax return back a few weeks ago...the $3,533 that I was supposed to get? Yeah, I got $800 of it. Why, you ask? Well, because my STAR card needed paid off. My "husband" was supposed to take care of that...he didn't. Instead, they withheld my tax return to pay for it. So there went my nest egg.
I just want to move on with my life! I want to move into a field that I love (I love medicine/helping people get better) and be able to provide for my son without having to depend on someone else for help. As a nurse, I can easily do that. I want my own home where I can do what I want and feel free. I'm tired of feeling like I'm in a prison and shackled to this depressing house. I want to feel like I'm 28, with my whole life ahead of me instead of constantly feeling defeated and like I'm going nowhere.
I want to be able to post a blog that's not depressing....
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